


Obscene Sweater

by Kirumitoejam



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: But there are some nsfw jokes in there, Christmas, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, No Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:54:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28297083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirumitoejam/pseuds/Kirumitoejam
Summary: Kirumi decides to wear the most cursed ugly Christmas sweater on the planet.
Relationships: Shinguji Korekiyo/Tojo Kirumi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Obscene Sweater

Christmas wasn’t the most popular time of year with the Shinguji family. Every year, they seem to put the bare minimum into their holiday decorations. They don’t even have a real tree. What they focused on every year was much more... confusing. 

“I cannot believe it is Christmas Eve, already,” Kirumi rummaged through a cupboard filled with old sweaters, in search of her absolute favorite piece of clothing on the entire planet. 

Next to her was her daughter. She was fairly small, only being about 2 years old. She had short, sandy blonde hair and sparkling yellow eyes. She wore a red and white dress with a white headband, white tights, and red flats. She was on top of her parents’ comforter, kicking and screaming out of happiness. 

“Are you excited for Christmas, Kohana?” Kirumi turned her head to her daughter, not expecting any response. Kohana didn’t speak much, anyway. 

Kirumi felt something familiar touch her fingertips. Could it be? The best sweater ever made? She pulled out a sweater that had the words, in English, ‘I have a massive penis’ embroidered on it. It was!!!

Kirumi took off the shirt she was wearing before and put on the cursed sweater. Upon the sweater being fully put on, she started giggling. Christmas is a time to be immature, isn’t it?

Kirumi stood back up and walked over to her bed. She grabbed Kohana under her arms “Alright, silly girl. We have to go mess with dad now, okay?” She removed Kohana from the bed, leading her to the door. 

The entire living room was dim, only Christmas lights filled the dark room. It was around 6 PM, Kiyo should be home already, right? Kirumi picked up Kohana once more and waited at the front door. Both having a pouty face. 

The door finally opened. Kiyo’s hair was covered in snowflakes. In his hands, he held a small jewelry box. “I apologize for being so late. The jewelers had some sort of power outage or something.” 

“Why did you go to the jewelers?” 

“Well, maybe because... I bought something for you. You can open it now if you would like,” Kiyo handed her the small box. 

Kirumi set Kohana down and looked at the box, confused. Kohana latched onto Kiyo’s leg. Kirumi opened up the box. To her amazement, she saw a golden watch and locket combo. 

“I didn’t put a photo in there, yet. I figured you would want to decide, yes?” Kiyo began to take off his shoes and coat, to the best of his ability, that is. 

“Oh my... It’s so beautiful!! I probably shouldn’t have opened it yet-“

“Oh no, Kirumi, I want you to open it. I... don’t have the best present wrapping skills...” 

“I already knew that, Kiyo,” she planted a small kiss on his cheek. “Come on, we bought a little gift for you,” Kirumi went over to their living room, which had an artificial pine tree in the corner. 

“We?” Kiyo picked up the clingy toddler and walked towards the fake Christmas tree. 

Kirumi grabbed a decent-sized present, wrapped perfectly with a red bow. “And, this is for you!” 

Kiyo swapped the small human for the gift. He undid the bow and unwrapped the present. Inside was a 5 by 7 picture frame with a photo of Kohana already in it. 

“Ah! What a wonderful gift! It seems like we are the same wavelength once again!” Kiyo set the frame down and noticed something... odd. His expression changed drastically. “It seems like you found that sweater again, didn’t you?” 

Kirumi averted her gaze from him. “Hm? What sweater? I’m not wearing a sweater...” 

Kiyo pinched the hem of the sweater. “The one you are wearing right now?” 

Kirumi looked down at the sweater. “Oh, this one? What about it?” 

Kiyo sighed. “Why are wearing that sweater... for the sixth Christmas we’ve been in a relationship for?” 

“Because it’s funny...?” 

“I expect immature humor like that from Miu... Not from you, Kirumi...” 

“You were the one who bought the sweater...” She said while fixing her bangs. 

“Yes, when I was in college, and unlike you, I am a penis owner.” 

“And I don’t...?” 

“Well, if you did, we wouldn’t of had Kohana...” 

“Are you saying that I could not give birth through my massive penis?” Kirumi said defiantly. 

“Don’t say that!! Kohana might repeat you!!” Kiyo yelled. 

“Don’t worry, Kiyo. In case you haven’t noticed, she barely talks, like at all. I highly doubt that she will pick up what we are saying-“ 

“Pee...pee...penis! Penis!!” Kohana shouted, giggling at the new word. 

“I’ll go take this off...” Kirumi set Kohana down once more and walked off into her bedroom. 

“Penis!! Penis!!” Kohana repeated the word over and over again, fluttering and clapping her hands at the same time. 

“Kohana... Stop saying that!” Kiyo was in a panic, sweating profusely. 

“Dada...penis!! Mama...penis!!” Kohana began to run around their couch, her hands still fluttering. 

“I have returned...” Kirumi stepped out wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt with lace on the shoulders and neck. She stood there in disappointment because her daughter’s first actual word was penis. 

Kiyo took a sign of relief. “That’s much better... also, how do I make her stop?” 

Kirumi picked up a standard looking doll off the ground. She grabbed Kohana’s hand gently. “Hey, Kohana! Who’s this?” She handed her the doll.

“Nana!!” She held onto the doll and slipped away from Kirumi’s grasp, if you could call it that. 

“Well, that was easier than I thought...” Kiyo looked at her in disbelief. 

“Two-year-olds are simple creatures, Kiyo. All they want is food, toys, clothes, and a place to sleep. Can’t say the same for you, love.”

“No, I am a simple creature as well. However, I just require kisses from my beautiful wife...” 

“So that’s what you want, huh?” Kirumi walked up to Kiyo. “Also, take your mask off...” 

“Oh, but of course,” Kiyo pulled down his mask and wrapped his arms around his wife. They shared a long and passionate kiss. So long that they forgot about their daughter wreaking havoc. 

The two heard the sound of glass breaking, along with crying. They jumped and looked towards the tree. Kohana sat on the floor, crying, next to a shattered ornament and a few drops of blood near her hand. 

“I got this,” Kirumi broke from Kiyo’s embrace and went towards the tree. “Come on, you little troublemaker, we gotta clean you up...” she slowly picked up the bleeding toddler and rushed her to the bathroom. 

Kiyo stood there, overhearing his wife trying to clean up and calm down their daughter. “Do you need me to clean this up?” 

“Wipe off the blood, I got the rest,” Kirumi shouted from the bathroom. 

Kiyo grabbed some paper towel and wiped up the blood by the shattered ornament. He cringed thinking about it, his daughter’s first actual injury. It’s only going to get worse from here. 

He sat down on the couch, reading a book about the Ottoman Empire. He kept on looking back and forth at the shattered ornament, attempting to get up at one point. 

After about 20 minutes. Kirumi came out of the bathroom, holding a sleeping Kohana in her arms. She carried her into her bedroom. After a bit, she walked out, no longer holding Kohana. “She’s down for the night...” 

“Oh that’s great dear,” He said.

Kirumi picked up the shattered ornament and put the shards in the trashcan. She sighed. “I liked that ornament...” 

She sat down next to her husband, leaning on his shoulder. Kiyo looked at her. “Are you tired? You can always go to bed early, if you want,” Kiyo stated. 

“No, I do not feel tired... I feel more... stressed out if anything.” 

“Well, how can I relieve that stress?” Kiyo put his arm around her shoulders. 

“By making you happy, of course.”

“By making me happy...? Well, I am a simple creature, so... it would make me happy if I got to cuddle my amazing wife?” 

“Your wish is my command!” Kirumi grabbed Kiyo’s hand and walked towards their bedroom. 

“Kirumi, I didn’t mean it like that-“ 

“I know you didn’t, I figured that cuddling on a couch wouldn’t be very comfortable, so I moved here. Besides, we always do this on the bed...” She laid down on the bed, inviting Kiyo to do the same. 

Kiyo decided not to argue with her. He laid down on the bed next to her, holding her close. 


End file.
